The acronym BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism, and masochism. What is being referred to is the sexualization of these various dynamics. Degradation, domination, oppression, violence, slavery, and abuses are carried out by consenting partners for their sexual gratification. To learn different things you can try in BDSM as a beginner read here.
The Myth
Most looking at this practice from the outside in, view BDSM as dehumanizing and perverted because they don’t fully understand the concept. The enthusiasts will tell you that this type of intimacy is the most open, trusting and affectionate that you can be with another partner or partners. When you allow another person to have complete control over you, there has to be a supreme level of trust there.
In BDSM there is always prearranged planning before the activities take place where the players communicate their desires, dislikes, fears, and emotions. Nothing is going to happen between those involved that someone doesn’t want to happen. All of the pain, humiliation, and degradation is done in such a way that intimacy is bred between those playing.
The Game
There are typically two roles involved in BDSM, the dom or dominant and the sub or submissive. The dominant is the partner that holds the responsibility and power over the submissive partner. The dominant may make incredible demands or physically abuse the submissive. The submissive is there to receive the pain which, in turn, is gratifying for them. The submissive may have different varieties of bondage gear used to subdue, whip, or beat them, but the submissive finds this pleasing.
The Approval
One core fact that everyone needs to remember with BDSM is that it is all consensual. The dominant and submissive relationship takes place inside what is known as a ‘play scene’ or ‘play space’ where the participants act out their scenes. The communication that they have before the actual act is kind of like ‘rehearsing’ so everyone knows precisely what will take place. Options are given that the dominant may use or those that the dominant should try to avoid using.
It is always understood that any boundaries that are set must be adhered to. The dominant can show their weight, power, and supremacy, but if the submissive doesn’t want a particular action to take place, then it doesn’t happen. The same is true for the dominant if they don’t want to be touched in a certain way, then the submissive has to honor that request. That is how it differs from sexual assault.
If a submissive is all for being tied up and whipped, groped, hair pulled in a scene, this person is engaging in BDSM play that is considered to be consensual. If this person does not want the part of their hair getting pulled, it should not be pulled. That is not consensual and could be considered a crime.
This is part of the fun that is BDSM, the boundaries. At any given moment, a participant can say a safe word and the play stops. There is the option to fix the problem, talk about why their consent was violated, and go on from that point.
Getting Started in BDSM
To get started in BDSM takes a lot of thought and talking with those who you may want to participate with. Open communication is the key to BDSM being the trusting, nurturing, loving, intimate practice that it’s supposed to be.
Consider what you want from BDSM. You need to know if you want to be the submissive or the dominant in the relationship. Making a list of the pros and cons which would entail listing any of the role-plays, kinks, positions, sexual experiences you want or would rather pass on and which role would be best suited to those needs. It wouldn’t be fun to be in the middle of the scene and realize you’re dominant but you’re playing a submissive.
Lots of practice is really important. BDSM is a game that is based on lots of researching and plenty of time fine-tuning. Whether it’s trying to figure out how to tie a perfect knot, slapping the submissive in just the right way, or finding out what may be the best position for your dominance, it is really about studying and working on it. A riskier play is going to require a lot of time planning before. Research local workshops and scan the internet for some fantastic books that specialize in BDSM. Find out what one player learned through a workshop at https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/bdsm-beginners-workshop-sex-class-bondage-dominance-sado-masochism-master-dominic-a7656896.html.
Find trustworthy partners. This is probably the most difficult part of BDSM is finding good people to play with. Explore with your romantic partner. You can attend workshops or local events together and learn with each other.
Just remember with BDSM, if it takes a few different play sessions for things to click right with you, that’s going to be normal. Just remember to do your homework before you dive in, and don’t try to do anything brand new or risky without studying, practicing, and deciding on a backup if something doesn’t go the way you had hoped.
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